another month

Oh dear, I really am digressing in this aren't I?

What's been up? I don't know. There's a lot I want to talk about and nothing I really want to say.

The past few months have been up and down for me. I've had to come face-to-face with some situations which made me realize I need to solidify my beliefs and trust in people. It was good and bad: a good shaking down, however painful, always serves to make someone stronger in the end.

I don't know darlings, what to say, really. I've spent the past few months thinking about me and not about others, and I really dislike that so I've had nothing to talk about. I fell into relationships with people I probably shouldn't have and who are no good for me and will bring me down.

Why is it we have to make life and situations far more complicated than they really are? Why are we so terrified to be open and honest and trusting? Yes, there's a risk of being hurt, but you hurt others with extreme secretiveness. How can anyone be happy if no one will love him or her for them, their true, open and honest selves, as opposed to a secret, false mask?

Why can't people just be open? I hate beating around the bush. I hate back and forthing. We have a mouth for a reason. We have words and minds and hearts for a reason. We're meant to communicate directly and with our hearts and to not do so is a waste of everything.

I'm sorry I'm just tired and frustrated and everything else today I suppose.

It's selfish to be independent to the point you don't bother with others and it's selfish to be so secretive and aloof and it's selfish to assume you can do it on your own. You can't depend solely on others and you can't be ridiculously forward but... I'm sorry. I can't seem to gather my thoughts.

I'm still learning about myself. I'm sensitive to a fault; I'm conceited and pretentious; I'm moody. Or is it because of the poor influences as of late? I've regressed in character too. I need to move forward.

In other news, I went to New York for the first time. I will be posting about that shortly.

I hope to get myself back together soon, love.

Until then, sweet dreams.