if I had one week to live

(i cried a little. a little treat because I have not kept up)


If I had one week to live
I'd make sure to let you know
I still love you and that
I'm sorry. I'd apologize
for all the wrongs I've done
I'd say goodbye in hugs and kisses
no matter who you were.
I'd get over my differences
and resentment and dislike.
I'd as for forgiveness
(from the Father, the Son
the Holy Spirit and you)
I'd make sure to pull
everyone out of their shells
as I dived and flew and
I'd want to make sure
everyone I knew would
take all the chances
I'd never get.

If I had one week to live,
I'd sadly delete my list
of things to do (after all,
why let something unfinished stay?)
I'd finish all the art
and stories and things
I have in my mind.
I'd write a haiku an hour.
I'd make sure to study all
the things I've ever wanted
to and maybe, if I can't
see the real thing, watch
videos of places I've
always wanted to go.
I'd fall asleep on a car ride
one last time. And,
I'd make it rainy so I
could dance and sing
EXUBERANCE.
I'd give my career plant
to someone who'd care for it
I'd learn to skateboard

If I had one week to live,
I'd learn to spread my wings
and work extra hard on my faults.
I'd spend time with my mother
because I know it'd hurt her most.
I'd watch movies with her
and cry for hours and
tell her to be strong
(while secretly crumbling inside)
I'd get fitted for a bra
and buy a lacy red bra
to wear in my coffin.
I'd get my nails done
and figure out if I
could donate my hair or not.
I'd go to church and
I'd say my prayers
I'd try to say good bye
to those who I've left behind
to those who left me behind
to those who have yet to forgive me
to those who I have yet to forget

If I had one week to live,
I'd wear high heels every day
and do my exercises.
I'd eat decadentally and
learn to ball-room dance.
I'd learn how to kiss
and how to charm
and how to love you.
I'd act out one last monologue
and sing onetwothree last songs
and finish all my books.
I'd visit his grave
and I'd tell him to stop
messing his life up.
I'd insist everyone put on
lotion and sunscreen
I'd listen to every song
on my iPod and then all
the sad songs, then the
happy ones, then

If I had one week to live,
I'd clean my room
I'd give away stuff
I'd bake every day for
those I love a lot.
I'd dress up fabulously
everyday and change outfits
for every hour I'm out.
I'd be out a lot.
I would not sleep.
I'd spend nights outside
trying to figure out
the constellations I
was never able to see.
I'd hold hands with
my family and if they cried
I'd kiss them and hold them
(I suppose my mom would
need the most and I love her)

If I had one week to live,
I'd spill my secrets and passwords.
I'd tell you my thoughts and fears
I'd let myself be known
to anyone who wants to know.
I'd be free and fly
I'd never be slave to myself
or society again.
I'd do my best to live
each and every day
and every hour and every
second and moment and breath
of this last week
beautifully.


If I had one week to live
I'd do all that I should
be doing now.
And I will be doing now.