fare the well

I wish I could tell you I'm here for good.

But I'm here to say I'll mixed up inside
all dead and numb
bored
angry bitter

all the things I shouldn't be and I need time to myself to figure it all out & be the person you knew--perhaps a better version.

I'm sorry. We'll see each other soon, I hope.

try

We never appreciate our friends until something happens.

Understandable Kind of Stupidity

Have you ever realized how many tragedies, sufferings and mistakes in our lives are borne of misunderstandings?

A misguided stare, a word with different connotations, actions that constitute different things...

These are the daily, small lost-in-translation moments we have. Because of the difference in personalities, the impossibility to be completely alike another person, there will always be a change or fault in what we understand to be affectionate, normal, compassionate, cruel, so on and so forth.

It's understandable ignorance. We can't expect to fully understand everyone and everything.

But at the same time, it's still stupid and useless and why do we do it? What's so terrible about being open, clearing up questions, refusing to conform to confusion? Yes, it requires openness. Yes, that leaves you vulnerable... But so much suffering could be prevented if we just used the brains and mouths we were given to ask. To make certain. If you get hurt, I'm sorry. But... Is it any better to hurt others over a silly misunderstanding? An assumption?

It's wrong. It isn't right, it's not fair, it's painful.

Let's try our best to be open, honest people. To say what we mean, when we mean it and when we want to. Let's not play any more stupid games, or worry so much. Feelings are beautiful and we shouldn't have to hide them. We shouldn't waste them. We shouldn't waste time.

We have one chance. Let's go for it.

another month

Oh dear, I really am digressing in this aren't I?

What's been up? I don't know. There's a lot I want to talk about and nothing I really want to say.

The past few months have been up and down for me. I've had to come face-to-face with some situations which made me realize I need to solidify my beliefs and trust in people. It was good and bad: a good shaking down, however painful, always serves to make someone stronger in the end.

I don't know darlings, what to say, really. I've spent the past few months thinking about me and not about others, and I really dislike that so I've had nothing to talk about. I fell into relationships with people I probably shouldn't have and who are no good for me and will bring me down.

Why is it we have to make life and situations far more complicated than they really are? Why are we so terrified to be open and honest and trusting? Yes, there's a risk of being hurt, but you hurt others with extreme secretiveness. How can anyone be happy if no one will love him or her for them, their true, open and honest selves, as opposed to a secret, false mask?

Why can't people just be open? I hate beating around the bush. I hate back and forthing. We have a mouth for a reason. We have words and minds and hearts for a reason. We're meant to communicate directly and with our hearts and to not do so is a waste of everything.

I'm sorry I'm just tired and frustrated and everything else today I suppose.

It's selfish to be independent to the point you don't bother with others and it's selfish to be so secretive and aloof and it's selfish to assume you can do it on your own. You can't depend solely on others and you can't be ridiculously forward but... I'm sorry. I can't seem to gather my thoughts.

I'm still learning about myself. I'm sensitive to a fault; I'm conceited and pretentious; I'm moody. Or is it because of the poor influences as of late? I've regressed in character too. I need to move forward.

In other news, I went to New York for the first time. I will be posting about that shortly.

I hope to get myself back together soon, love.

Until then, sweet dreams.

Style Tips

♥ Dance the way you feel. Sometimes that means just flailing or moving your head. Do it.

♥ Tell someone the way you feel about him/her. Seriously.

♥ Discover a new type of music.

♥ Fall into something. Your bed, your feelings, someone's arms, words from his books.

♥ Discover Haruki Murakami.

♥ Be stubborn. The more you think something, the more you'll believe it. Think, "I am beautiful. I am born of beautiful blood, and my thoughts are beautiful," and you will believe it. How can you not? It's the truth, after all.

♥ Delete, erase, let go of something you don't need. That boy who took you out of his life--stop lingering on him. That sadness you felt when you didn't get that job--throw those aside.

♥ Fall in love with something, not someone, for once. Words, potential, hair... Something.

♥ Talk to someone who doesn't seem like you'd get along with.

♥ Realize the people you dislike could just be people who haven't proved themselves to you yet.

KEEP THIS FOREVER

Beloved:


You know that feeling, like your heart is about to burst? Like it’s filled with everything around you and you’re confused and you want to be happy but there’s still something bad but you’re willing to take it, too? Don’t forget that feeling. It doesn’t feel pleasant now, but someday, when the world has made your heart a little bit colder, you’ll remember that you know how to feel. At some point, sooner or later, you'll feel dead, so you have to remember that yes, you can feel. Because right now your heart is bursting and full with emotions, and that’s something so precious.

love,
Nana

skin

from the surface--
my life does not appear
to be much, does it?
Aside from some somewhat
interesting aspects, I
suppose it seems almost...
Mediocre.

But under the ground
lies a completely amazing
and interesting world
(yes, below our feet)
and the surface of
the sea (the blue,
blue watery, plain sea)
exists a world we
cannot imagine...

What am I trying to say,
I wonder? Perhaps that
below the skin and
appearance of our lives,
their lives, your lives,
there's something beautiful
and unique and amazing.

We all entire worlds inside of us
so let's give everyone
a chance because who knows
how or what or who will
change that world.

♥ Nana